They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
