dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
