I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
be right there i have to get my cape
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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