No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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