thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
