The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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