Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
