And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
