I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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