The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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