Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
