I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
try to milk me bitch
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
