This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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