I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
