It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
