Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
