you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
