ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm eating all of the evidence.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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