I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
i am craving dick and cupcakes
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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