I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
