dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
