I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
