talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
