Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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