Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
