I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
