drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
