my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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