So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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