help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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