I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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