Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
