Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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