I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
