i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
