Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
