you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
