yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
