what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
