you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
