She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
