worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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