I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
