you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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