Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So much rum. So many feels.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
