i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
