someone get that fucking seahorse.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
