so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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