Non-Jews are for practice
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
