so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
