The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
