Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
