Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
there was a trapeze. enough said
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
