So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
