No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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