Whod you bang
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
