I am in a vortex of obligation.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
