I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
This gyro tastes like lonliness
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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